


It's Not Simple to Say

by Hidden_Joy



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Bo is an idiot, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Denial, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Frustration, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, Lukas and Philip love each other, Lukas is trying, M/M, Soft Boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-23 16:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11405775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hidden_Joy/pseuds/Hidden_Joy
Summary: Lukas says he's gay for the first time.





	It's Not Simple to Say

"I can't do it. Why can't I do it, Philip?"

"Lukas, it's okay. Everyone takes their own time," Philip whispered, rubbing the other boy's arms.

Lukas breathed a heavy sigh, running his hands roughly through his hair.

"This shouldn't be this hard. Telling you that I love you wasn't this hard," he reasoned, frustrated tears shining in his eyes as he looked at Philip.

"I know, I know," Philip told him, bringing his hands up to his cheeks. "But, it's fine, okay? Try something simpler. Try saying you don't like girls."

Lukas nodded, taking a breath. "I don't like girls," he breathed.

"See? One step at a time. Try 'I like boys,'" Philip suggested.

Lukas nodded. "I like boys," he got out after a moment of hesitation.

"Good," Philip smiled. "Now, try saying it," he encouraged softly.

Lukas nodded, breathing deeply. "I'm... I'm... I'm... fuck I can't say it," he groaned, choking on his words.

"It's okay, come here," Philip whispered, tugging Lukas against him and holding him tightly.

Lukas hugged back, burying his head against his shoulder.

Philip stroked his back gently. "It's okay, you don't have to say it yet," he whispered, pressing a kiss to his temple.

"Yes, I do," Lukas protested, pulling back from him and starting to pace. "If I can't say it, my dad's never gonna believe this is real!"

After everything had happened, Bo had promised he was okay with Lukas dating Philip. But, in the three weeks since, he had led on that he felt otherwise. Well, more than led on in recent days.

[][][][][][][]

"I'm probably gonna be staying at Philip's tonight," Lukas informed his father as he put his cereal bowl in the sink.

He heard his father let out something of a sigh and Lukas paused.

"Unless you don't want me to?" he asked, turning around to look at him.

"No, no, I understand. You and... Philip have been through a lot together," he waved a hand as if to brush him off. "Honestly the only reason I'm letting this whole thing slide," came a muttered addition, said under his father's breath. Lukas almost didn't hear it. Almost.

"What did you just say?" Lukas asked.

Bo let out a sigh, shaking his head before looking at Lukas. "I said that's the only reason I'm letting this slide."

"Letting _what_  slide, exactly?" he asked, an all too familiar feeling of anxiety creeping into his chest.

"You know... this whole thing between you and Philip. Thinking you're gay," Bo explained.

"Dad, I... I don't _t_ _hink_ I am, I _know_ ," Lukas told him. "You honestly think I'm only with Philip because of the murders?"

"Well, why else would you be, Lukas? Because you certainly aren't gay!" Bo snapped, narrowing his eyes at him.

"Yes, I am!" Lukas answered, straightening.

"Say it, then. If you can tell me you're gay, without backing down, I'll believe it," Bo told him, crossing his arms.

Lukas narrowed his eyes. "I'm... I'm... " he tried, but the words wouldn't come out. A sudden panic filled him.

"See. You can't even say it," Bo scoffed.

Lukas looked at him, hurt and anger written on his features. "I'm staying the night at Philip's," he stated simply and then left out the door.

[][][][][][][]

"Your dad's just gonna have to deal with it, Lukas," Philip told him. "You can't force yourself to say it."

"Yes, I can," he answered, stopping in front of Philip. "And he's not gonna just _deal with it._  My dad doesn't deal with things. He fixes them," he answered, his voice dropping to just above a whisper.

"Fixes them? You're not broken," Philip told him, frowning and touching his cheek.

Lukas sighed, leaning into the touch. "He thinks I am," he muttered.

"He's wrong," Philip said, voice soft but stern. Lukas gave a small nod, then moved closer, hugging him.

Philip hugged him back, pressing a kiss to his head as a small reassurance. "I just wanna be able to say it," Lukas murmured.

"I know," Philip answered. He lifted Lukas' head gently, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, which Lukas returned.

"I love you," Lukas murmured against his lips, sighing softly.

"I love you, too," Philip answered.

Lukas held him closer, kissing him again. Philip returned it easily, moving his arms around his waist. He pulled back after a moment.

"You'll say it when you say it," Philip said quietly.

Lukas only nodded and kissed him again.

[][][][][][][]

It didn't end up taking as long as either of them thought.

They were hanging out at Philip's, Lukas laying back on the bed while Philip edited a few videos on his computer.

"Do you remember... that video compilation you sent me? The one with us before everything happened?" Lukas asked, glancing at Philip.

Philip smiled, turning in his chair to look at him. "Yeah, I do. Why?"

Lukas just shrugged. "I don't know. I was just thinking about it. Watching it... that was when I realized I loved you," he told him, eyes on the ceiling rather than him.

Philip smiled softly and came over. "Yeah?" he asked, sitting beside him.

Lukas smile back up at him, nodding. "Yeah," he murmured. His smile dropped a moment later as his gaze shifted upward, a soft sigh emitting from his lips. He couldn't stop thinking, could he?

"What is it?" Philip asked, touching his hand.

"It's just..." Lukas paused. "I wish my dad could fucking see it," he said, anger in his voice as he took Philip's hand. "That I'm not just with you because of the shit we went through. That I love you because of who you are, and that includes you being a boy. Why can't he see that I'm gay?" he asked, anger searing his words.

Philip paused beside him. Lukas was still glaring at the ceiling, not realizing what he'd said. "Lukas."

"Yeah?" he glanced at Philip.

"You said it."

"Said what?" he furrowed his eyebrows.

Philip looked at him a moment before realization dawned on Lukas' face and he sat bolt upright. "I said it!" he exclaimed. He said it! He really said it!

"You did!" Philip grinned, hugging Lukas back when he surged forward and embraced him. "Say it again."

"I'm gay! I'm fucking gay and in love with you, Philip," he laughed, hugging him tightly.

Philip grinned, kissing his cheek. "You are, baby. I love you, too."

"I'm gonna tell Dad. I'm gonna tell him soon," Lukas told him, hugging him tighter. His dad couldn't tell him he was lying now.

Philip nodded against them. "I can be there for you, if you want," he said softly.

"Yeah," Lukas nodded. "Please."

Philip nodded, kissing his cheek again. "Of course."

**Author's Note:**

> Work title is from the song She Used to be Mine from Waitress. Hope you guys liked this!
> 
> -HJ


End file.
